(HI! Welcome to Caterpillar Steps, a newsletter by the writer and photographer Corbin Smith. My oh my, have I been putting off a newsletter! I had a very busy weekend and every idea I have written down for this lately just feels like something I should try to sell to someone. If you know any editors who are looking for That’s right folks: I haven’t done a newsletter in a while because my ideas were too good. Okay I also half wrote this post where I was doing why-am-I-not-a-more-successful-writer cope but I didn’t post that because I try to not seem pathetic in public. That being said, if anyone out there can make me successful, get at me. I doubt I will employ subscriptions here, but if you like the newsletter and want to buy me a treat, you can feel free to deposit some cheddar in my Venmo account, @BigCorbs. I encourage all my readers to share with whoever might be interested.
Anyway here’s a photo dump. I’ll be doing something fun in this space next week, so get amped for that.)
Whenever I find myself taking pictures of pigeons in public, I think about a scene from Sam Rami’s 2004 masterwork, Spider-Man 2. Peter Parker, our hero (he is also Spider-man) has brought some pictures into J. Jonah Jameson at The Daily Bugle. Jamesson looks at the pictures and says “Parker, you’re fired.” Then he flips through Peter’s black and white portfolio, demolishing his artful shots one by one. “Dogs catching frisbees? Pigeons in the park? A couple of geezers playin’ chess? I pay you because for some reason that psycho Spider-Man will pose for you!” JJ is one of the most bellicose characters in myth, buffonish big-city media scaled down to one cigar chomping weirdo, but he has a point, here. I have thousands of pictures of pigeons. I like them, I like taking them, but I know that the world would prefer pictures of Spider-Man. They would look incredible on the cover of a newspaper. What headline would accompany this well balanced picture of a pigeon in Pioneer Square? “Pigeon Stands Near Leaf!” “Rain Can’t Stop Pigeons!” “Pigeons and Brick: The Story Continues!” I suppose it has aesthetic value, but as a story it’s just, like, “Dirty bird exists.” The man has a point.
You know that Coquine, Portland’s best restaurant that’s on top of a dormant volcano, makes good food. But did you know it’s also an ELITE Portland bakery? Here’s a picture of some biscuits they make. I’ve never eaten them. I’ve eaten the smoked almond salted caramel chocolate chip cookies they make a BUNCH of times. For a while there I would walk up Mount Tabor, get all sweaty and rugged, and walk into the restaurant and buy one of the cookies while normal people were eating a nice dinner. I did this so much that they learned my name. This happens to me a lot, because I’m a roving treat monster.
These Laurel and Hardy statues used to belong to my grandma. When she died we got them. I think they’re pretty cool, even though I’ve never seen anything Laurel and Hardy related and also their eyes fell out a long time ago. I mean, like, I have never seen these statues with eyes even though I have been looking at them for as long as I can remember. Also Hardy has a Hitler mustache but honestly man that was back when Hitler’s mustache was fairly normal. I don't think Hardy liked Hitler. Maybe it’s time to bring the pushbroom back.
If you don’t live in Washington State, you probably haven’t had the extraordinary pleasure of eating a Cosmic Crisp apple. The Cosmic Crisp was developed by Washington State University on behalf of the state’s agricultural commission, to be nothing short of the ultimate snacking apple. It took a thousand years and millions of cross breedings but goddamnit they did it, those crazy sons of bitches did it. The Cosmic Crisp is the ultimate snacking apple. Tart with an uncannily commiserate sweetness, crispy as a motherfucker, uhh, a third thing that you also look for in an apple. You can only grow them in Washington State. I mean you could grow them somewhere else, theoretically but the Washington Apple Police will thunder down on your farm and burn it to the ground in the name of the glorious Washington State agricultural industry. This is a picture of a Cosmic Crisp I liked so much that it sliced my gums open and made me bleed on the apple. All the best food makes you bleed. Captain Crunch. These Apples. Glass. It’s science!
Squirrel. Could watch these guys all day. I wish you could own a squirrel that was the size of a cat that just jumped in your trees and stuff. Big pet squirrels, NOW.